July 31st, 2016
Poetry Corner
Anime Relations: Haibane Renmei
A Lost Sailor
I am a sailor of the dark seas
An unknown destination awaits me
I let the currents carry me to its desire
No compass, no land in sight
Fearful when the calm waters disappear
Into a torrent that overwhelms me
The storm often comes unexpectedly
In a way that threatens to blow me away
When I feel at peace, letting my guard down
But I remain firm and resistant
Having a glimmer of hope inside me
That the journey will be soon over
Infatuation
I loved you but I never met you
The idea of you was my obsession
I was desperate to know you
I loved you but I never talked to you
My head was filled with our conversations
Conversations that never existed at all
I loved you but I never pursued you
I was too occupied with my fantasies
I succumbed to the idea that I'm lonely
I loved you but maybe it wasn't love at all
You were perfect inside my head
But I can never be perfect for you
I loved you but...
A Moment's Flash
You are the sunlight
That blinded my eyes
Every warm moment
When I wake up
In the early morning
Now, you are gone
A looming darkness
Forms around me
With lonely eyes
That constantly seek
Your radiance again
Moment of Truth
Silence embraced me as I enter the room
The feeling of a never ending, cold wilderness
I sit and lower my head, gathering my thoughts
As the approaching gale carries my spirit away
Revelation
Ground shaking, buildings collapsing
The crowd's scream of paranoia
The two of us, hands held tight
Thoughts of hope began to fade
In a seemingly destructive disarray
We screamed our regrets and hope
A pillar of light shone from a distance
Is it finally the heaven descending
Or a path to an infinite abyss?
The brightness swallowed everything
And a sudden flash blinded all of us
Never realizing, this was my final memory
Titration
I am often terrified when I think
That I might not give you enough
Of myself that I pour towards you
Dissolving myself into your existence
Hoping I see you in a different color
And that my effort comes to naught
Losing a part of myself for nothing
Never knowing if I made you feel
Something different, a reaction
That I neutralized your sour heart
That everything is now in equilibrium
Between me and you
Combustion
You fueled my weary heart
A reserve running low
On energy to live on
A machine that digested
Several disappointments
An embodiment of myself
That awaits to be filled
It took a tiny spark
A tension in the system
To reignite the passion
That I've long forgotten
That there is an energy
Awaiting to burst out
Outside my confinements
Feeling your existence
That awaits a chemistry
A reaction between us
I inhaled a deep breath
Giving my lungs oxygen
To the point I gave too much
To support my beating heart
And when I finally exhaled
I realized that I could never
Take in all of what is you
And that no matter how much
I gasp for air to take it in
I can never consume all of you
And in the clouds of my breath
Float the things left unreacted
Fragments of yours and mine
Hoping that you'll take it in
The end product of my passion
To give you enough solid warmth
To respond to my feeling which
Is now constantly burning within
A Prison of Ideas
My mind is a melting pot of ideas
A prison made for theory and inquiry
Yet none have escaped in success
From the stuttering vocal gateway
Obstructed by a known danger
Called anxiety, a lack of confidence
I tried to let them escape through
Another way called pen and paper
The pressure of ideas started to flow
From the chamber known as the brain
Into my arm, dripping forth words
That were eager to be brought out
Born into a sheet, me as its parent
Raised and nurtured with passion
Assembled to my heart's desire
They grew into a sea of thoughts
As I stare into what I have created
I hope that people will not remember it
As something that is incomprehensible
A product that remained in vague theory
Written in words that baffles majority
Coffee
I have accomplished too little
For something very imminent
Yet seemingly far off the distance
Inviting me to a land of illusions
A battlefield of procrastination
Motivation as my draining lifeline
Consciousness being at stake
A clash between mind and body
Laptop as a double-edged sword
Either helping me gain victory
Or pulling me down into an abyss
Full of distractions, defeat ensured
Grab another bittersweet coffee
Swim through the vast paperwork
Dry my eyes out of exhaustion
As I ponder towards my fate
Equinox
No amount of constellations
I see from the clear night sky
Can compare to how much
I think of your bright existence
How it brings a warm glow
Inside my cold, lonely soul
As I lie down on a sea of grass
The sound of my beating heart
Is in harmony with the rustling wind
Feeling the cool breeze sliding
Across my body like a whisper
Conveying thoughts of restlessness
I wait as the sun over the horizon
Slowly rises, like my uplifted spirit
Flawed Existence
I no longer feel afraid
When failure drops from above
And lands in front of me
With intention of destruction
I no longer feel surprised
When the success I achieved
Will turn to a messy disaster
One simple thing as the trigger
I no longer feel any regret
When I didn't perform well
As what I expect from myself
Realizing that it's not a loss
They are flaws, shortcomings
That are inevitable, expected
A foundation for improvement
A dent that shapes my identity
Carry on, as life is a landscape
No matter how many earthquakes
Or violent storms it encounters
It continues to change shapes
Dynamically, just like a person
And the result, a natural beauty
A product of conflict with nature
Amplitude
No matter how many times
I strum my worn-down guitar
Played with cold hands that
Never experienced your warmth
My songs will never make you mine
No matter how many times
I wear my voice out with passion
A sound that longs to be heard
It will never reach your ears
Performing shamelessly
The music gets distorted
As I push myself to the limit
And you will never realize
That there exists a tune for you
For I have been drowned out
By the sound of desperation
Misinterpreted as a call for help
When what I really desired
Was for you to hear my feelings
Embedded in a certain melody
Sleep Deprivation
I freeze in depression
The sudden realization
That no matter how
I try to drown myself
With sugary coffee
I will never drown
The monster which
Lives inside my head
Which eats away at
Every piece of my
Drowsy consciousness
Only the comfort
Of closing my eyes
And going on a journey
To the land of dreams
Will ever tame it
My brain starts
To throb rapidly
A panic signal
That I have little
Time remaining
The idea of sleep
Starts to invade
My thought process
But I can't rest yet
For I have a task
Yet to be achieved
Moving On
Recently
I've been thinking
About you less
As time passes
Like a bullet
Flying towards
The unknown
I'm afraid of
My memories
About you
Will soon fade
Like water
That eventually
Evaporates
That I forget
When I felt love
When I felt joy
How your smile
Filled my world
Devoid of life
With color
Ever since
you went away
I've been searching
Your presence
Amidst the crowd
At the crossing
Of a busy town
I hope the wind
Carries me away
Dissociating
Into particles
With a wish
That I reach
Where you are now
Letting you know
That I'm still fine
Living on
A dull, normal
Hopeless existence
And that you keep
Just a bit of me
For I will inevitably
Forget you someday
That you've once
Existed happily
Inside my little world
Empty Quarter
I look outside my window
A lifeless, dry terrain
Stretching towards infinity
Faded shrubs lined together
Mimicking the shape of animals
Running alongside my course
The sun begins to go down
Behind the dark mountain
Jutting out from the earth
Like a spike that has lost
The sharpness of its edge
I drive on a wilderness
A lonely and long journey
Towards a destination that
Seems to be more distant
As I progress each mile
Displacement
I remember of a certain memory
When I was slowly walking
With you on a downward slope
The radiant view of the town
The pink cherry blossoms
Falling on top of our heads
I remember of a certain memory
When we'd read the same books
Inside the cool, silent library
Our exchange of conversations
How we'd joke on silly things
Never paying attention to time
I remember of a certain memory
When we'd go to a convenience store
You'd buy the chocolate milk
While I'd buy a can of coffee
The chilly wind greeting us
As we stand outside sipping
I remember of a certain memory
When you suddenly changed schools
Bidding your farewell to everyone
And when it was finally my turn
I made a determined promise to you
That we'd definitely meet again
I remember of a certain memory
When I finally made a decision
To go to where you were back then
As I jumped on the bullet train
I firmed my resolve to put an end
To my aching heart that longed for you
I remember of a certain memory
When I finally reached your place
Already it was almost midnight
I saw you sitting on a corner
Teary-eyed, we embraced each other
My snow-covered body filled with warmth
I remember of a certain memory
When you kissed my chapped lips
Under a tree devoid of leaves
You saw me off the morning after
Your passion remained within me
Hoping I'll never forget its feeling
I remember of a certain memory
When we slowly lost contact
Your letters that excited me
Whenever I open my letterbox
Are nowhere to be found
Desperately, I looked at each corner
I remember of a certain memory
When I finally had a job
A sandwich, a mug of coffee
Laying beside my sturdy desk
As I tap away at my keyboard
Completely absorbed with bitterness
I remember of a certain memory
When I was walking around town
I thought I saw your presence
Among the busy, lifeless crowd
I ran until my lungs gave out
But you were nowhere to be seen
I remember of a certain memory
When I visited the local library
I saw two kids, a boy and a girl
Laughing about as they read a book
It reminded me of the two of us
As we did the exact same things
I remember of a certain memory
When I visited a local store
While buying a few cans of beer
I saw the chocolate milk
That you used to happily drink
Beside me on a chilly day
I remember of a certain memory
That my boring life, for awhile
Was filled with sunny colors
With you revolving around it
Like a star that shines brightly
When in reality you were just
A shooting star that passed by
Our next encounter in another life
A Feverish Dream
I awake to find myself
Feeling a strange heat
Emanating from my body
Like a pressure cooker
About to burst with steam
My head receiving pain
Like a violent earthquake
That never subsides
Like a constant aftershock
Uncertain of its end
I feel sick spiritually as well
For I offer no resistance
Of denying this misfortune
Lying in bed lifeless, frozen
A shadow enters the room
Awaiting my body's judgement
Nostalgia
My day starts at 5 AM
The digital alarm goes off
The sound of emptiness
Heat a plate of leftovers
Prepare a cup of coffee
Take a freezing shower
The heater is not working
I get ready and head off
Minutes before sunrise
Another routine of labor
Awaits my frail body
I arrive home at 8 PM
I unlock the wooden door
A dark room welcomes me
I turn on the light switch
I turn on the TV as well
Filling the silent room
With sounds of loneliness
I eat the fastfood takeout
I bought at the corner
I head to bed afterwards
With tired, lifeless eyes
I find myself in a dream
Waking up as a kid again
I go to the dining room
A warm breakfast table
Everyone greets me in unison
Good morning! With a smile
I sit down and give thanks
To such a bright morning
I gulp a glass of cold milk
Wolf down on a sandwich
I rise and get ready to leave
My mom gives me a kiss
As I bid them farewell
I wake up in tears
Rolling down the sides
Of my feverish face
I look at the digital clock
It is still 4:55 AM
A few minutes left
For myself to relieve
This pain in my chest
For myself to accept
That it's a thing of the past
For myself to get ready
As I move towards the future
Gravity
I live on the empty moon
Solitude as my friend
The Earth stares at me
Wishing for my return
The floating stars around me
Glinting amidst the darkness
Rocks that used to be bright
Now threatened to be swallowed
A small comet passes nearby
I try to reach out my hand
With a wish that it takes me
To the ends of the universe
Where we disappear together
To an abyss unknown to mankind
Downpour
Let it rain hard
Like tiny rocks
Falling towards
A plain of ice
Let it rain hard
Like an applause
Of a huge audience
Rapid yet dissonant
Let it rain hard
Like endless gravel
Pouring downwards
The concrete ground
Let it rain hard
Like the frying sound
Of a fastfood kitchen
A melodic rollercoaster
Let it rain hard
Like the muffled sound
Of a television static
Left alone at night
Let it rain hard enough
To drown one's troubles
The flowing water's cool
Relaxing, refreshing
An exhausted soul at peace
Escape
Drowning out the world
With melancholic sounds
Instrumentally rich, vast
Playing a lonely melody
The rhythm of my heart
Drowning out the world
Through a small screen
A portal to another world
Pouring in the boredom
Taking on another life
A tale of impossibilities
Filling in the huge void
That manifests my soul
I look forward to the day
When I'm brave enough
To face the monstrosity
Known as life, in the eye
Without a need to mask
The growing fear in me
By drowning everything out
Newton's Laws of Motion
I was a body at rest
Until you came along
With an immense force
You pulled me towards
Your body of energy
It was very unexpected
That someone bothered
With my quiet existence
Did nature conspired
For this event to occur?
The force was so strong
It made me accelerate
My body felt lighter
Excitement welled in me
Awaiting our collision
We were both in fast motion
As our distance grew closer
And when we finally collided
Our forces that met cancelled
And our bodies laid to rest
I felt an immense happiness
As our conserved energies flow
Back and forth, an equilibrium
Void
I see my faint reflection
Within those lonely eyes
Like an invitation for me
To be a part of your world
A universe to be explored
Congestion
It has been days
My damaged voice
Show no signs
Of recuperating
Due to my neglect
I cannot speak
Without sounding
Like I need help
Constantly coughing
Like a sonic boom
A sticky lining
Creeps in my throat
Grant me the comfort
Of conversations again
I have a lot of things
Floating inside my head
That need to be expelled
Lest the pressure builds
And I'll explode upwards
Towards a quiet sanctuary
Past Midnight
It's 3 AM
My sober thoughts
Spilling outwards
Like leaking pipeline
It feels weird
At a time when
Your mind is supposed
To be at a stage of rest
It instead peaks
Bringing forth thoughts
That never get to see
A streak of sunlight
A Midnight Kingdom
At a time when
The rest of the world
Seems to be asleep
I feel like a king
Within the four corners
Of my cold, quiet room
An isolated kingdom exists
Far from any invasion
Only the glistening stars
And the shimmering moon
Peeking through my window
Being my only witnesses
Taking in account every
Action I impulsively take
Every outburst of emotion
I fill the cool, empty room
But it is of inevitableness
That a kingdom reaches a point
Where it declines to oblivion
Mine slowly crumbled to bits
As the sun rises in the place
Of the moon and the stars
Swallowed by the morning
Signifying that I return
To the world of normalities
However, the cycle will repeat
Another kingdom will be born
When at night, the clock standing
At a white wall beside my bed
Turns twelve' o clock with its hand
And in the next coming morning
It will disappear to the air again
But I will build and crash kingdoms
On an endless loop, a cyclic routine
If only for a few countable hours
I can be myself, I can be relieved
From the struggles of living a day
Full of unexpectedness and stress
If only for a brief, fleeting moment
I can truly feel like everything
Is in control with my weary hands
Sanctuary
A blinding of light
A burst of energy
Followed by an unfortunate aftermath
Crimson stream flowed
And soaked through the concrete
Of the busy night street
The panic of the crowd
And the fast-moving sirens
Filled the late evening
The skies that wept in sorrow
Washed away the bloody landscape
Assorted flowers grew the day after
White candles erected throughout
Warmth giving remedy to the shivers
A garden in the heart of the city
A temple for the traumatized soul
It has been already a week
And the memory strongly remains
Every time I pass through
The epicenter of the event
It takes me to the moment it started
And how it unfolded in a flash
Reignite
As I pressured my fingers
Across your right hand
A rush of warmth filled me
Even in a cold atmosphere
A spark was born in a touch
I felt something familiar
Within that brief moment
Something invigorating
A burning flare of desire
An endless sky of emotions
An intense strike of sunlight
A long forgotten feeling
That awaits to be reborn
Contrast
When you don't feel hopeful
Yet you try your very best
When you don't feel happy
Yet positivity surrounds you
When you find yourself alone
Yet you're within the crowd
Take each from both sides
And you'll reach a balance
Neutral, you continue to live
Out your confused existence
Weak Will
I've known you for a while now
How you appeared in my world
I used to take that for granted
Until I realized how you became
Such a significant part of it
We often found ourselves together
In unexpected ways, a coincidence
Both of us got along too perfectly
We both have shared sides
The others never got to see
But maybe that's part of the reason
Why I can't seem to reach to you
Even when you're right beside me
I already knew, the feeling I have
For you wasn't something mutual
All I could do was be your company
Until you found the one who is meant
To fill the void within your soul
Something I could never accomplish
A Friend I Used To Have
The memory still pains me
Of how we became very close
Then drifted away out of conflict
I didn't meant to pretend
When I was asked to be friends
With you, all alone and quiet
Playing with a Pink Panther toy
At the corner of the classroom
When it was time for recess
We shared each other's interests
You shared your life story with me
Of where did your humble life started
How you had a crush on a girl before
How passionate you are with singing
How you had an incident with appendicitis
I genuinely enjoyed your company
When I was being nice to you
It wasn't meant to be an act
Maybe I acted unreasonable
On hard times when I felt like
The entire school was against me
Perhaps I went out of character
When I felt finally comfortable
Of sharing my mischievous side
When in fact I acted the very person
I warned you about
After that trouble with the whole class
I transferred schools, not looking back
I remember during recognition day
You kept ignoring all my efforts
Awkwardly starting a conversation
After that, I lost contact with you
Even after a few years drifted by
I found and added you online
But we never really got to interact
Whenever I see how you're doing now
You always seem so happy and loved
During all those years of my absence
You have already made a lot of friends
You have been chasing your dreams
You have been doing well without me
I felt happy yet at the same time sad
That by now, I'm already a stranger to you
Maybe you can still recall me deep down
But I no longer exist within your world
To the best friend I used to have
Thank you for being there
At a messy stage of my life
I wish you all the best in life
And I'm sorry
Learning in the Past and Present
I remember as a kid
I'd just sit in front of the computer all day
We still had no internet
Before I knew the existence of Wikipedia
Encarta was my own personal encyclopedia
I'd click on every interesting article
Play every interactive activity it offers
If I reached the point
Where I am still craving to learn more
I'd beg my parents to buy me a book
Not the latest popular novel
But books that are filled with interesting trivias
Facts that are of educational merit
I didn't do it because I was aiming good grades
I did it out of curiosity to know new things
Looking back at it now
I was genuinely enjoying learning
They didn't require a numerical score
To determine how much of it you understood
Maybe if I still had that passion at this time
I wouldn't have to force myself to memorize
Things that don't fit within my interests
I wouldn't have to fear the idea of failure
It's so easy to blame other things
Why I lost my drive to pursue higher
It could be because I developed distracting hobbies
From online games to the trending shows on television
But the bottom-line of all of this regrets and reflections
Is that I want it again, the undying thirst for knowledge
Corrode
Late evening in a dark room
Lying on the bed sideways
I stare at the laptop screen
Silently placed beside me
I squint my eyes to focus
On the contents of my feed
I halfheartedly lift my finger
And tapped on the keyboard
Pressing the scroll button
I came across several posts
From different people I know
They all seem to be enjoying
An interesting and fun life
As I slowly go further downward
The walls of emoticon-filled texts
And pictures saturated with filters
A pain builds around my chest
Like a sinkhole gradually forming
A bottomless circular pit of void
Maybe it's the bitter realization
That I can never be like them
For I am consumed by failure
I continually float on an ocean
Of disappointment and frustration
Hoping I can just quietly drown
And be dissolved out of existence
Untitled
The cycle of affection repeats
And I hopelessly fall again
In a dark pit of emotions
Uncertain of hitting the bottom
And finally getting struck again
With the rehashed realization
That I'm a lonely human being
Craving the delight of intimacy
Waterloo Sunset
The horizon seems to fit
The center of my vision
Parting the dark blue sea
And the faint orange sky
A day is about to end
I raise my head above
Feathery clouds dissociating
Into a tattered white blanket
Within the gaps I witness
A camouflaged azure sky
As I stand firmly
On the grainy shoreline
The low gentle waves
Crashes upon my feet
A turbulent stream of cold
The waters seem tempted
To swallow my existence
Like it knows my desire
To drift away from everything
Still I refuse its invitation
For a beautiful scenery
Is enough to remedy
The feeling of defeat
That clings at my soul
Urban Fantasy
The city never sleeps
And neither is my soul
Even if my body lies
On an uneven mattress
My dreams feel real enough
That I lead two existences
One that is my ideal
One that is my reality
The boundary gets blurred
As my mind freely wanders
The busy streets of town
Like a kite flown from a cage
Maybe in the land of dreams
I'll find what I desired all along
But even if I do, at the finality
All it takes is the sound alarm
That pulls me back to the other side
Of my consciousness, a woke one
Lost on the Road
Flashing street lights
Blind my sleepy eyes
As I quietly travel along
A lonely midnight highway
Even though I'm confined
Within a moving vehicle
My body never feels at ease
Inclined to thrust forward
The gravity seems distorted
People cease to exist
As they retreat together
Into their safe spaces
While I journey onwards
Finding a place to rest
Alone at Valentines
I have never experienced
Ever since the day I was born
The intimacy that happens
In a romantic relationship
It’s a matter of perspective
And I’ve reasoned it out
Here I am, as a bitter person
I feel revolted at the sight
Of an affectionate couple
Here I am, an envious person
For I yearn a certain romance
A daydream, a fantasy
Here I am, uninterested
I declare that I have no need
For strong feelings of love
Yet loneliness plagues me
Here I am, a hopeless romantic
Saturated with ideal standards
I could be any of those
But I could also be none
Being single is a status
People view it differently
But it’s not permanent
Nor a negative symbol
As the season of love
Approaches by the hour
Souls of young people
Are being connected
And they gather in joy
For a day of celebration
And then there is me
Within that sea of crowd
In search of a partner
Hoping the sly cherubs
Point their red arrows
To my destined other half
Deteriorating
Offer me solace
In this place
That is so bleak
Suffocating
Like a shadow
Of a thousand
Lonely hearts
Offer me light
A radiant glow
Not so blinding
But reassuring
A thriving hope
Exists in this life
Full of failures
Offer me will
To move against
The heavy chain
Of negativity
Give me strength
To move forward
Into the horizon
Offer me peace
Within and out
Let the swarm
Of depression
Depart from here
Into the abyss
They will be cast
Offer me warmth
Enough to melt
This freezing soul
Enough to make
This frail heart
Beat out of love
Enough to feel alive
In a world where
Everything is dying
Shelter
for once
i want to be alone
listening to music
reading books
watching movies
away from the world
just inside my room
a temporary refuge
from the cruel demands
of a haphazard life
Upward Over The Mountain
upward over the mountain
i traverse its rough terrain
i crawl through its steep slopes
i persist its blowing wind
i endure its towering heights
upward over the mountain
i finally reach the summit
nothing of merit is found
but i feel like a new person
my past abandoned deep below
Dwarf
a shooting star appeared
and i grabbed it with my two hands
it was still faintly glowing
but it felt really warm
i forgot to make a wish
but it doesn't matter
i never made it go away
and now hope lives between my palms
i hanged it on a branch
of a tree without leaves
where i used to lie and close my eyes
daydreaming of a better life
and i thought maybe
it's my own christmas tree
only that i don't expect
any gifts underneath it
the star started to melt
and i felt sad about it
drop by drop it fell
into a transparent jar
o little star of mine
forgive me for ruining you
if only i had another chance
to make another wish
i hope i can take you to space
where everyone is there
to see your radiance
granting one wish at a time
An Early Meal
A cold yet peaceful morning
Wakes my sleepy soul again
Birds chirp faintly in the background
The warm streak of sun hitting my face
I rise and welcome the day's embrace
As I slowly reach for a cup of coffee
I can already smell the breakfast platter
And I grab a piece of toast with butter
I wonder what today has in store for me
It could be another trouble in the making
Or a joyous celebration of achievements
Whatever it might be, I'll sit and ponder
While I eat my worries away with hunger
I am a sailor of the dark seas
An unknown destination awaits me
I let the currents carry me to its desire
No compass, no land in sight
Fearful when the calm waters disappear
Into a torrent that overwhelms me
The storm often comes unexpectedly
In a way that threatens to blow me away
When I feel at peace, letting my guard down
But I remain firm and resistant
Having a glimmer of hope inside me
That the journey will be soon over
Infatuation
I loved you but I never met you
The idea of you was my obsession
I was desperate to know you
I loved you but I never talked to you
My head was filled with our conversations
Conversations that never existed at all
I loved you but I never pursued you
I was too occupied with my fantasies
I succumbed to the idea that I'm lonely
I loved you but maybe it wasn't love at all
You were perfect inside my head
But I can never be perfect for you
I loved you but...
A Moment's Flash
You are the sunlight
That blinded my eyes
Every warm moment
When I wake up
In the early morning
Now, you are gone
A looming darkness
Forms around me
With lonely eyes
That constantly seek
Your radiance again
Moment of Truth
Silence embraced me as I enter the room
The feeling of a never ending, cold wilderness
I sit and lower my head, gathering my thoughts
As the approaching gale carries my spirit away
Revelation
Ground shaking, buildings collapsing
The crowd's scream of paranoia
The two of us, hands held tight
Thoughts of hope began to fade
In a seemingly destructive disarray
We screamed our regrets and hope
A pillar of light shone from a distance
Is it finally the heaven descending
Or a path to an infinite abyss?
The brightness swallowed everything
And a sudden flash blinded all of us
Never realizing, this was my final memory
Titration
I am often terrified when I think
That I might not give you enough
Of myself that I pour towards you
Dissolving myself into your existence
Hoping I see you in a different color
And that my effort comes to naught
Losing a part of myself for nothing
Never knowing if I made you feel
Something different, a reaction
That I neutralized your sour heart
That everything is now in equilibrium
Between me and you
Combustion
You fueled my weary heart
A reserve running low
On energy to live on
A machine that digested
Several disappointments
An embodiment of myself
That awaits to be filled
It took a tiny spark
A tension in the system
To reignite the passion
That I've long forgotten
That there is an energy
Awaiting to burst out
Outside my confinements
Feeling your existence
That awaits a chemistry
A reaction between us
I inhaled a deep breath
Giving my lungs oxygen
To the point I gave too much
To support my beating heart
And when I finally exhaled
I realized that I could never
Take in all of what is you
And that no matter how much
I gasp for air to take it in
I can never consume all of you
And in the clouds of my breath
Float the things left unreacted
Fragments of yours and mine
Hoping that you'll take it in
The end product of my passion
To give you enough solid warmth
To respond to my feeling which
Is now constantly burning within
A Prison of Ideas
My mind is a melting pot of ideas
A prison made for theory and inquiry
Yet none have escaped in success
From the stuttering vocal gateway
Obstructed by a known danger
Called anxiety, a lack of confidence
I tried to let them escape through
Another way called pen and paper
The pressure of ideas started to flow
From the chamber known as the brain
Into my arm, dripping forth words
That were eager to be brought out
Born into a sheet, me as its parent
Raised and nurtured with passion
Assembled to my heart's desire
They grew into a sea of thoughts
As I stare into what I have created
I hope that people will not remember it
As something that is incomprehensible
A product that remained in vague theory
Written in words that baffles majority
Coffee
I have accomplished too little
For something very imminent
Yet seemingly far off the distance
Inviting me to a land of illusions
A battlefield of procrastination
Motivation as my draining lifeline
Consciousness being at stake
A clash between mind and body
Laptop as a double-edged sword
Either helping me gain victory
Or pulling me down into an abyss
Full of distractions, defeat ensured
Grab another bittersweet coffee
Swim through the vast paperwork
Dry my eyes out of exhaustion
As I ponder towards my fate
Equinox
No amount of constellations
I see from the clear night sky
Can compare to how much
I think of your bright existence
How it brings a warm glow
Inside my cold, lonely soul
As I lie down on a sea of grass
The sound of my beating heart
Is in harmony with the rustling wind
Feeling the cool breeze sliding
Across my body like a whisper
Conveying thoughts of restlessness
I wait as the sun over the horizon
Slowly rises, like my uplifted spirit
Flawed Existence
I no longer feel afraid
When failure drops from above
And lands in front of me
With intention of destruction
I no longer feel surprised
When the success I achieved
Will turn to a messy disaster
One simple thing as the trigger
I no longer feel any regret
When I didn't perform well
As what I expect from myself
Realizing that it's not a loss
They are flaws, shortcomings
That are inevitable, expected
A foundation for improvement
A dent that shapes my identity
Carry on, as life is a landscape
No matter how many earthquakes
Or violent storms it encounters
It continues to change shapes
Dynamically, just like a person
And the result, a natural beauty
A product of conflict with nature
Amplitude
No matter how many times
I strum my worn-down guitar
Played with cold hands that
Never experienced your warmth
My songs will never make you mine
No matter how many times
I wear my voice out with passion
A sound that longs to be heard
It will never reach your ears
Performing shamelessly
The music gets distorted
As I push myself to the limit
And you will never realize
That there exists a tune for you
For I have been drowned out
By the sound of desperation
Misinterpreted as a call for help
When what I really desired
Was for you to hear my feelings
Embedded in a certain melody
Sleep Deprivation
I freeze in depression
The sudden realization
That no matter how
I try to drown myself
With sugary coffee
I will never drown
The monster which
Lives inside my head
Which eats away at
Every piece of my
Drowsy consciousness
Only the comfort
Of closing my eyes
And going on a journey
To the land of dreams
Will ever tame it
My brain starts
To throb rapidly
A panic signal
That I have little
Time remaining
The idea of sleep
Starts to invade
My thought process
But I can't rest yet
For I have a task
Yet to be achieved
Moving On
Recently
I've been thinking
About you less
As time passes
Like a bullet
Flying towards
The unknown
I'm afraid of
My memories
About you
Will soon fade
Like water
That eventually
Evaporates
That I forget
When I felt love
When I felt joy
How your smile
Filled my world
Devoid of life
With color
Ever since
you went away
I've been searching
Your presence
Amidst the crowd
At the crossing
Of a busy town
I hope the wind
Carries me away
Dissociating
Into particles
With a wish
That I reach
Where you are now
Letting you know
That I'm still fine
Living on
A dull, normal
Hopeless existence
And that you keep
Just a bit of me
For I will inevitably
Forget you someday
That you've once
Existed happily
Inside my little world
Empty Quarter
I look outside my window
A lifeless, dry terrain
Stretching towards infinity
Faded shrubs lined together
Mimicking the shape of animals
Running alongside my course
The sun begins to go down
Behind the dark mountain
Jutting out from the earth
Like a spike that has lost
The sharpness of its edge
I drive on a wilderness
A lonely and long journey
Towards a destination that
Seems to be more distant
As I progress each mile
Displacement
I remember of a certain memory
When I was slowly walking
With you on a downward slope
The radiant view of the town
The pink cherry blossoms
Falling on top of our heads
I remember of a certain memory
When we'd read the same books
Inside the cool, silent library
Our exchange of conversations
How we'd joke on silly things
Never paying attention to time
I remember of a certain memory
When we'd go to a convenience store
You'd buy the chocolate milk
While I'd buy a can of coffee
The chilly wind greeting us
As we stand outside sipping
I remember of a certain memory
When you suddenly changed schools
Bidding your farewell to everyone
And when it was finally my turn
I made a determined promise to you
That we'd definitely meet again
I remember of a certain memory
When I finally made a decision
To go to where you were back then
As I jumped on the bullet train
I firmed my resolve to put an end
To my aching heart that longed for you
I remember of a certain memory
When I finally reached your place
Already it was almost midnight
I saw you sitting on a corner
Teary-eyed, we embraced each other
My snow-covered body filled with warmth
I remember of a certain memory
When you kissed my chapped lips
Under a tree devoid of leaves
You saw me off the morning after
Your passion remained within me
Hoping I'll never forget its feeling
I remember of a certain memory
When we slowly lost contact
Your letters that excited me
Whenever I open my letterbox
Are nowhere to be found
Desperately, I looked at each corner
I remember of a certain memory
When I finally had a job
A sandwich, a mug of coffee
Laying beside my sturdy desk
As I tap away at my keyboard
Completely absorbed with bitterness
I remember of a certain memory
When I was walking around town
I thought I saw your presence
Among the busy, lifeless crowd
I ran until my lungs gave out
But you were nowhere to be seen
I remember of a certain memory
When I visited the local library
I saw two kids, a boy and a girl
Laughing about as they read a book
It reminded me of the two of us
As we did the exact same things
I remember of a certain memory
When I visited a local store
While buying a few cans of beer
I saw the chocolate milk
That you used to happily drink
Beside me on a chilly day
I remember of a certain memory
That my boring life, for awhile
Was filled with sunny colors
With you revolving around it
Like a star that shines brightly
When in reality you were just
A shooting star that passed by
Our next encounter in another life
A Feverish Dream
I awake to find myself
Feeling a strange heat
Emanating from my body
Like a pressure cooker
About to burst with steam
My head receiving pain
Like a violent earthquake
That never subsides
Like a constant aftershock
Uncertain of its end
I feel sick spiritually as well
For I offer no resistance
Of denying this misfortune
Lying in bed lifeless, frozen
A shadow enters the room
Awaiting my body's judgement
Nostalgia
My day starts at 5 AM
The digital alarm goes off
The sound of emptiness
Heat a plate of leftovers
Prepare a cup of coffee
Take a freezing shower
The heater is not working
I get ready and head off
Minutes before sunrise
Another routine of labor
Awaits my frail body
I arrive home at 8 PM
I unlock the wooden door
A dark room welcomes me
I turn on the light switch
I turn on the TV as well
Filling the silent room
With sounds of loneliness
I eat the fastfood takeout
I bought at the corner
I head to bed afterwards
With tired, lifeless eyes
I find myself in a dream
Waking up as a kid again
I go to the dining room
A warm breakfast table
Everyone greets me in unison
Good morning! With a smile
I sit down and give thanks
To such a bright morning
I gulp a glass of cold milk
Wolf down on a sandwich
I rise and get ready to leave
My mom gives me a kiss
As I bid them farewell
I wake up in tears
Rolling down the sides
Of my feverish face
I look at the digital clock
It is still 4:55 AM
A few minutes left
For myself to relieve
This pain in my chest
For myself to accept
That it's a thing of the past
For myself to get ready
As I move towards the future
Gravity
I live on the empty moon
Solitude as my friend
The Earth stares at me
Wishing for my return
The floating stars around me
Glinting amidst the darkness
Rocks that used to be bright
Now threatened to be swallowed
A small comet passes nearby
I try to reach out my hand
With a wish that it takes me
To the ends of the universe
Where we disappear together
To an abyss unknown to mankind
Downpour
Let it rain hard
Like tiny rocks
Falling towards
A plain of ice
Let it rain hard
Like an applause
Of a huge audience
Rapid yet dissonant
Let it rain hard
Like endless gravel
Pouring downwards
The concrete ground
Let it rain hard
Like the frying sound
Of a fastfood kitchen
A melodic rollercoaster
Let it rain hard
Like the muffled sound
Of a television static
Left alone at night
Let it rain hard enough
To drown one's troubles
The flowing water's cool
Relaxing, refreshing
An exhausted soul at peace
Escape
Drowning out the world
With melancholic sounds
Instrumentally rich, vast
Playing a lonely melody
The rhythm of my heart
Drowning out the world
Through a small screen
A portal to another world
Pouring in the boredom
Taking on another life
A tale of impossibilities
Filling in the huge void
That manifests my soul
I look forward to the day
When I'm brave enough
To face the monstrosity
Known as life, in the eye
Without a need to mask
The growing fear in me
By drowning everything out
Newton's Laws of Motion
I was a body at rest
Until you came along
With an immense force
You pulled me towards
Your body of energy
It was very unexpected
That someone bothered
With my quiet existence
Did nature conspired
For this event to occur?
The force was so strong
It made me accelerate
My body felt lighter
Excitement welled in me
Awaiting our collision
We were both in fast motion
As our distance grew closer
And when we finally collided
Our forces that met cancelled
And our bodies laid to rest
I felt an immense happiness
As our conserved energies flow
Back and forth, an equilibrium
Void
I see my faint reflection
Within those lonely eyes
Like an invitation for me
To be a part of your world
A universe to be explored
Congestion
It has been days
My damaged voice
Show no signs
Of recuperating
Due to my neglect
I cannot speak
Without sounding
Like I need help
Constantly coughing
Like a sonic boom
A sticky lining
Creeps in my throat
Grant me the comfort
Of conversations again
I have a lot of things
Floating inside my head
That need to be expelled
Lest the pressure builds
And I'll explode upwards
Towards a quiet sanctuary
Past Midnight
It's 3 AM
My sober thoughts
Spilling outwards
Like leaking pipeline
It feels weird
At a time when
Your mind is supposed
To be at a stage of rest
It instead peaks
Bringing forth thoughts
That never get to see
A streak of sunlight
A Midnight Kingdom
At a time when
The rest of the world
Seems to be asleep
I feel like a king
Within the four corners
Of my cold, quiet room
An isolated kingdom exists
Far from any invasion
Only the glistening stars
And the shimmering moon
Peeking through my window
Being my only witnesses
Taking in account every
Action I impulsively take
Every outburst of emotion
I fill the cool, empty room
But it is of inevitableness
That a kingdom reaches a point
Where it declines to oblivion
Mine slowly crumbled to bits
As the sun rises in the place
Of the moon and the stars
Swallowed by the morning
Signifying that I return
To the world of normalities
However, the cycle will repeat
Another kingdom will be born
When at night, the clock standing
At a white wall beside my bed
Turns twelve' o clock with its hand
And in the next coming morning
It will disappear to the air again
But I will build and crash kingdoms
On an endless loop, a cyclic routine
If only for a few countable hours
I can be myself, I can be relieved
From the struggles of living a day
Full of unexpectedness and stress
If only for a brief, fleeting moment
I can truly feel like everything
Is in control with my weary hands
Sanctuary
A blinding of light
A burst of energy
Followed by an unfortunate aftermath
Crimson stream flowed
And soaked through the concrete
Of the busy night street
The panic of the crowd
And the fast-moving sirens
Filled the late evening
The skies that wept in sorrow
Washed away the bloody landscape
Assorted flowers grew the day after
White candles erected throughout
Warmth giving remedy to the shivers
A garden in the heart of the city
A temple for the traumatized soul
It has been already a week
And the memory strongly remains
Every time I pass through
The epicenter of the event
It takes me to the moment it started
And how it unfolded in a flash
Reignite
As I pressured my fingers
Across your right hand
A rush of warmth filled me
Even in a cold atmosphere
A spark was born in a touch
I felt something familiar
Within that brief moment
Something invigorating
A burning flare of desire
An endless sky of emotions
An intense strike of sunlight
A long forgotten feeling
That awaits to be reborn
Contrast
When you don't feel hopeful
Yet you try your very best
When you don't feel happy
Yet positivity surrounds you
When you find yourself alone
Yet you're within the crowd
Take each from both sides
And you'll reach a balance
Neutral, you continue to live
Out your confused existence
Weak Will
I've known you for a while now
How you appeared in my world
I used to take that for granted
Until I realized how you became
Such a significant part of it
We often found ourselves together
In unexpected ways, a coincidence
Both of us got along too perfectly
We both have shared sides
The others never got to see
But maybe that's part of the reason
Why I can't seem to reach to you
Even when you're right beside me
I already knew, the feeling I have
For you wasn't something mutual
All I could do was be your company
Until you found the one who is meant
To fill the void within your soul
Something I could never accomplish
A Friend I Used To Have
The memory still pains me
Of how we became very close
Then drifted away out of conflict
I didn't meant to pretend
When I was asked to be friends
With you, all alone and quiet
Playing with a Pink Panther toy
At the corner of the classroom
When it was time for recess
We shared each other's interests
You shared your life story with me
Of where did your humble life started
How you had a crush on a girl before
How passionate you are with singing
How you had an incident with appendicitis
I genuinely enjoyed your company
When I was being nice to you
It wasn't meant to be an act
Maybe I acted unreasonable
On hard times when I felt like
The entire school was against me
Perhaps I went out of character
When I felt finally comfortable
Of sharing my mischievous side
When in fact I acted the very person
I warned you about
After that trouble with the whole class
I transferred schools, not looking back
I remember during recognition day
You kept ignoring all my efforts
Awkwardly starting a conversation
After that, I lost contact with you
Even after a few years drifted by
I found and added you online
But we never really got to interact
Whenever I see how you're doing now
You always seem so happy and loved
During all those years of my absence
You have already made a lot of friends
You have been chasing your dreams
You have been doing well without me
I felt happy yet at the same time sad
That by now, I'm already a stranger to you
Maybe you can still recall me deep down
But I no longer exist within your world
To the best friend I used to have
Thank you for being there
At a messy stage of my life
I wish you all the best in life
And I'm sorry
Learning in the Past and Present
I remember as a kid
I'd just sit in front of the computer all day
We still had no internet
Before I knew the existence of Wikipedia
Encarta was my own personal encyclopedia
I'd click on every interesting article
Play every interactive activity it offers
If I reached the point
Where I am still craving to learn more
I'd beg my parents to buy me a book
Not the latest popular novel
But books that are filled with interesting trivias
Facts that are of educational merit
I didn't do it because I was aiming good grades
I did it out of curiosity to know new things
Looking back at it now
I was genuinely enjoying learning
They didn't require a numerical score
To determine how much of it you understood
Maybe if I still had that passion at this time
I wouldn't have to force myself to memorize
Things that don't fit within my interests
I wouldn't have to fear the idea of failure
It's so easy to blame other things
Why I lost my drive to pursue higher
It could be because I developed distracting hobbies
From online games to the trending shows on television
But the bottom-line of all of this regrets and reflections
Is that I want it again, the undying thirst for knowledge
Corrode
Late evening in a dark room
Lying on the bed sideways
I stare at the laptop screen
Silently placed beside me
I squint my eyes to focus
On the contents of my feed
I halfheartedly lift my finger
And tapped on the keyboard
Pressing the scroll button
I came across several posts
From different people I know
They all seem to be enjoying
An interesting and fun life
As I slowly go further downward
The walls of emoticon-filled texts
And pictures saturated with filters
A pain builds around my chest
Like a sinkhole gradually forming
A bottomless circular pit of void
Maybe it's the bitter realization
That I can never be like them
For I am consumed by failure
I continually float on an ocean
Of disappointment and frustration
Hoping I can just quietly drown
And be dissolved out of existence
Untitled
The cycle of affection repeats
And I hopelessly fall again
In a dark pit of emotions
Uncertain of hitting the bottom
And finally getting struck again
With the rehashed realization
That I'm a lonely human being
Craving the delight of intimacy
Waterloo Sunset
The horizon seems to fit
The center of my vision
Parting the dark blue sea
And the faint orange sky
A day is about to end
I raise my head above
Feathery clouds dissociating
Into a tattered white blanket
Within the gaps I witness
A camouflaged azure sky
As I stand firmly
On the grainy shoreline
The low gentle waves
Crashes upon my feet
A turbulent stream of cold
The waters seem tempted
To swallow my existence
Like it knows my desire
To drift away from everything
Still I refuse its invitation
For a beautiful scenery
Is enough to remedy
The feeling of defeat
That clings at my soul
Urban Fantasy
The city never sleeps
And neither is my soul
Even if my body lies
On an uneven mattress
My dreams feel real enough
That I lead two existences
One that is my ideal
One that is my reality
The boundary gets blurred
As my mind freely wanders
The busy streets of town
Like a kite flown from a cage
Maybe in the land of dreams
I'll find what I desired all along
But even if I do, at the finality
All it takes is the sound alarm
That pulls me back to the other side
Of my consciousness, a woke one
Lost on the Road
Flashing street lights
Blind my sleepy eyes
As I quietly travel along
A lonely midnight highway
Even though I'm confined
Within a moving vehicle
My body never feels at ease
Inclined to thrust forward
The gravity seems distorted
People cease to exist
As they retreat together
Into their safe spaces
While I journey onwards
Finding a place to rest
Alone at Valentines
I have never experienced
Ever since the day I was born
The intimacy that happens
In a romantic relationship
It’s a matter of perspective
And I’ve reasoned it out
Here I am, as a bitter person
I feel revolted at the sight
Of an affectionate couple
Here I am, an envious person
For I yearn a certain romance
A daydream, a fantasy
Here I am, uninterested
I declare that I have no need
For strong feelings of love
Yet loneliness plagues me
Here I am, a hopeless romantic
Saturated with ideal standards
I could be any of those
But I could also be none
Being single is a status
People view it differently
But it’s not permanent
Nor a negative symbol
As the season of love
Approaches by the hour
Souls of young people
Are being connected
And they gather in joy
For a day of celebration
And then there is me
Within that sea of crowd
In search of a partner
Hoping the sly cherubs
Point their red arrows
To my destined other half
Deteriorating
Offer me solace
In this place
That is so bleak
Suffocating
Like a shadow
Of a thousand
Lonely hearts
Offer me light
A radiant glow
Not so blinding
But reassuring
A thriving hope
Exists in this life
Full of failures
Offer me will
To move against
The heavy chain
Of negativity
Give me strength
To move forward
Into the horizon
Offer me peace
Within and out
Let the swarm
Of depression
Depart from here
Into the abyss
They will be cast
Offer me warmth
Enough to melt
This freezing soul
Enough to make
This frail heart
Beat out of love
Enough to feel alive
In a world where
Everything is dying
Shelter
for once
i want to be alone
listening to music
reading books
watching movies
away from the world
just inside my room
a temporary refuge
from the cruel demands
of a haphazard life
Upward Over The Mountain
upward over the mountain
i traverse its rough terrain
i crawl through its steep slopes
i persist its blowing wind
i endure its towering heights
upward over the mountain
i finally reach the summit
nothing of merit is found
but i feel like a new person
my past abandoned deep below
Dwarf
a shooting star appeared
and i grabbed it with my two hands
it was still faintly glowing
but it felt really warm
i forgot to make a wish
but it doesn't matter
i never made it go away
and now hope lives between my palms
i hanged it on a branch
of a tree without leaves
where i used to lie and close my eyes
daydreaming of a better life
and i thought maybe
it's my own christmas tree
only that i don't expect
any gifts underneath it
the star started to melt
and i felt sad about it
drop by drop it fell
into a transparent jar
o little star of mine
forgive me for ruining you
if only i had another chance
to make another wish
i hope i can take you to space
where everyone is there
to see your radiance
granting one wish at a time
An Early Meal
A cold yet peaceful morning
Wakes my sleepy soul again
Birds chirp faintly in the background
The warm streak of sun hitting my face
I rise and welcome the day's embrace
As I slowly reach for a cup of coffee
I can already smell the breakfast platter
And I grab a piece of toast with butter
I wonder what today has in store for me
It could be another trouble in the making
Or a joyous celebration of achievements
Whatever it might be, I'll sit and ponder
While I eat my worries away with hunger
Posted by BlueKite | Jul 31, 2016 6:41 AM | 3 comments
May 18th, 2015
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Posted by BlueKite | May 18, 2015 10:51 PM | 0 comments